I can’t begin to tell you how much I love words. I love to think about how people use words. I didn’t talk until I was around 4 years old. I think I just soaked up all the words and conversations around me. There is a lot you can learn by not speaking and just listening. Later growing up, this love extended to spelling and etymology.

My two favorite books as a child were “Are you My Mother” By P.D. Eastman and “The Foot Book” by Dr. Seuss. Which is only slightly ironic considering my aversion to feet `;~) Interestingly enough, both books are about perceptions.

I listen to not only the words, but the inflections placed on each word. Which word and syllable was stressed, at what point did the speaker get more animated or more closed. How did they phrase their point? Are they passionate about the subject? How does that passion come through in their words? In their actions?

Magickally speaking, how one phrases their words, spells, chants, and even sigils can make a significant difference in the outcome. It is the difference between getting that new job you are hankering for and getting a new responsiblity tacked onto your current job with no monetary increase, I might add. It is the difference in coming up with the money to pay one bill or enough money to pay all your bills.

There is a difference between thinking positively and being positive. For instance, saying “My rent check will not bounce” rather than “I will have enough to pay my rent” or even better saying “I will have $600 dollars to pay my rent and get groceries.”

It took a long time to see this difference, but it is there and it is subtle as all magick is. One niggle of doubt can overcome all the positive. It does not have to be obviously negative to be negative. Negativity is an insidious thing. It is like that monster in your closet, just waiting for a crack.


Love, Fear, Ritual, and Chaos

There is a tree that is on the edge of my ritual circle. She is a beautiful old tree that somehow manages to survive. She is encased in the trumpet vines with broken branches lodged throughout her. Half of her trunk is gone, and she has an extremely large hollow. So in preparation for Litha, my neighbor and I spruced her up a bit. Removed the broken branches and the trumpet vines.

I was sad to see the beautiful trumpet vines go, but was told they were killing her. As each branch was pruned, I wanted to cry and hug her. I felt so bad, I could feel her pain. Knowing it had to be done did not make it any easier.

Finally the trimming and pruning was done and looking at her, I could see Her. Even through the pain, her strong spirit shines through. So I hugged Her and put in my crystal as thanks.

I visit her as often as I can and say a prayer of strength and thanks. I think she is happy now and I can see a difference in her spirit everytime I see her. She is getting stronger and greener each day `;~)

Our Litha ritual was beautiful and moving. I loved hosting the ritual at my place. I think there is indeed some special magic to hosting and I don’t get to do it often. After the ritual, the social time was just what we all needed after all the hard work we have been doing this year. We ate, drank, and got merry `;~) Who could ask for more?

After everyone left, I went back out under the full moon and consecrated my staff and recharged my tools in the MoonSun FireWater from the ritual. I was gifted with a very special staff of WillowWood from sacred ground at my initiation. It took me 18 months before I was ready to take up the charge.

The one thing that I have truly learned from my initiation is that you must completely trust yourself. It had taken me 18 months to fully trust myself again after the chaos. I didn’t trust my judgement or my ability to keep my loved ones safe.

As always, I have to learn my lessons the hard way. I had forgotten faith and hope. More importantly, I had forgotten love. The chaos had left me shattered like a dirty broken window pane. I was not unlike my tree `;~)  Though my scars did not show.

I can’t deny that sometimes I still have fear in my heart. But that fear is tempered by experience and faith.  Fear only rules if I allow it and faith always finds a way to shine through. Fear is not unhealthy, it is a necessary part of life.

I allowed the chaos to happen because I did not trust my judgement and listen to my gut. Instead, I let logic overrule my gut. Shame on me!