Voicemail from the ShellyVerse

Originally written on 10/19/14

Shelly Jar

It’s time to get back to me. Quit worrying about everything and let it go with the flow. Do you remember that? The way it felt when everything happened in to the beat of your soul? Have you completely forgotten who you are? Or have you hidden yourself in a safe little tiny haven as if nothing can harm you and you can pretend everything is just fine and dandy.

It’s time to throw out those big girl panties that don’t fit and be who you want to be. Who you Really Are. You aren’t a failure. You tried and it didn’t work. It didn’t work because that is not who you are meant to be. You’ve always known this isn’t where you were meant to be, yet you kept taking those uniformed big girl panties and putting them on. No matter that they didn’t fit, were uglier than sin, and bless your heart -made your clit cry.

I keep throwing all these signs at you to wake you and make you dream again. Why do you drown me out with your incessant bullshit excuses? Don’t you realize that I don’t care about them? Excuses aren’t even good enough to wipe your butt with. So, please, no more. I can’t even. No more. I want you to be free. I want you to shine, I want your clit to sing. I want you to desire. I don’t want you to cringe when you think of me -how you think you’ve disappointed me. You can’t disappoint me. it doesn’t work that way.

Love,
The ShellyVerse
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Meanwhile, in the ShellyVerse

I’d like to tell you a fabulous story of how busy I have been and how I danced with Elephants and swam with dolphins, but that just isn’t how life has been…

oh, wait… I did do those things in my dreams last week `;~) Then of course, I had a dream about Catnip!

I have just been completely tuckered out lately. And this weather has not been helping one itty bitty bit! Could you please make up your mind???

I finally decided what to do with my Bead Soup Necklace, Bambi’s Spring Frolick ! I decided to donate it to my tradition for The New Alexandrian Library we are building. It will be available this weekend at Spring Magick in Springfield, PA.

I’ve decided to join Dancing in a Field of Tansy‘s Herball Ally 2011 challenge and picked Hyssop as my herb.

I’m very excited about My Herbal Ally. I’ve been intrigued by Hyssop since Brighid told me to add it to Her incense.

Must get some writing done now.

bb,

My Life Feels Like a Trick Question

Seriously, I try to live simply and mind my P’s and Q’s. Stop laughing, seriously people… I really do.. where does that saying come from anyway???

I line my ducks in a row just to know them over and see how they fall. I like things neat and tidy so I can see how the chaos flows .

I really like it when my plans fall together just right and everything works. And it drives me crazy when the plan in my head does not match up to reality. I don’t plan things out very often. I’m so seriously not a planner! I buy planners and calendars all the time so I can see how neat and pretty all the boxes and check marks line up. However, I never end up using them for more than a month cause I don’t like having to cross things out or leave messy blotches on it.

My plans constantly change, almost as soon as I would write them in a planner. Plus, I don’t like to be tied down, I like to go wherever the wind blows. I am a gypsy at heart and cannot stand standing still `;~)

So, I devised a plan. A good plan. An Excellent Plan. I even talked to a trusted friend who doesn’t bullshit me and reviewed my plan… Made sure I wasn’t blowing smoke out the wrong hole… and we really wouldn’t want that. I don’t think we need a discussion on smoke holes…

The plan? Get my herb and jewelry business going… There are several things I need in order to do this:

1)Herbs duh… I have herbs, but not in quantities that will provide a decent stock of products. Herbs aren’t especially expensive in quantities for home or personal use, but it starts to add up when buying for product stock. So, no problem, I’ve got tax refund money to use…

Products are ordered and have been awaiting pickup by UPS since Saturday!!! just picked up by UPS!! YAY!!!

2)A working computer that can connect to the internet

My trusted no-bullshit friend, kindly offered me a used MAC G4. It’s not fancy-shmancy, but I just need it to be reliable, handle making labels, fixing photos, getting products uploaded to etsy/ebay, etc… It is perfect for what I need. And of course, it is a MAC, so no problem with getting things set up….

3)A Printer/Scanner… Said friend made recommendations and the reasoning was sound… His recommendations jived with exactly what I wanted…

So, Sunday, I head up the road to pick up the MAC and do a little shopping after my coven workshop… Due to a brainfart miscalculation of location, I end up missing my coven workshop 😦 So I head to the next stop and pick up the computer. Everything is ready to go, so easy peasy, I’m set and take off.

On the way back home, I realize that it’s President’s Day Weekend which means LOTS of sales. So, I decide to stop in Best Buy and check out the recommended printers. There is a nice sale that puts the printer I wanted way below what I expected to pay, so I decide to pick it up, along with extra print cartridges and paper supplies…

And happy me goes on my way excited to think I have everything I need to get started…

On the long drive the rest of the way home, I’m planning and thinking of where I’m going to set up the computer and how I’m going to do this and that and do a couple test runs with teh printer/scanner…

So finally, I get home and I’m totally exhausted. Once again, I didn’t get any sleep the night before and I’ve been running non-stop all dang day and it is like 5pm… And now, I have to make about 5 trips up and down those damn 19 steps! I’m so glad I decided not to put the PC in the studio upstairs…

Finally get everything inside and start get everything unpacked…

I CAN’T CONNECT TO THE INTERNET

I try a few things, but nothing is working. So I have to wait until the next day to talk to my wi-fi share person for deets.

Okay, no problem, I can still get the printer set up and test out some stuff there…

I DON’T HAVE THE PASSWORD

Friend is out of town, so I try to think like him, which is literally impossible… But I do come up with a few ideas of what the password would be based on the ‘password hint’ but no such luck 😦 Sent email, friend will get back to me on it eventually…

Okay, I totally give up for the night… Watch some TV and veg out for a couple hours.

Thank the Gods, I got some decent sleep last night!!!!

bb,

Reflections on Love

I have to say that I am very happy to be single rather than in the wrong relationship. I have had many relationships and each one has brought me to a greater understanding of who I am and what I need in a partner. So I give thanks for each relationship and let go of the pain and hurt within me that I have unnecessarily held onto.

I do not know if I’ll ever have another “Great Love.” For years, I dreamed and fantasized about that “Great Love” that transcends all that I could imagine. Being so complete within that “Great Love” that nothing could shake me.

Instead, this sweet journey of love has lead me to the greatest love I could ever find. The “Great Love” with myself- for myself and others.

Sure, I will occassionaly get shaken up, but my roots are firmly planted.
My Heart is as clear and open as the Sky

Namaste,
Shelly

Bead Soup Blog Party Beads

This is the lovely handmade pendant I recieved from my BSBP partner, Shannon over at For My Sweet Daughter. She sent some absolutely gorgeous pieces.

She handmade this beautiful Rabbit in a technique she called ‘etching.’ I find the results fascinating! The detail is quite amazing to me `;~) I also love the handmade birdsnest which I think I will be combining with the flower and leaves for a beautiful gift for a friend.

The Zebra Jasper is beautiful and I love how they are threaded on the diagonal, but not through the middle of the bead either. The larger pendant size jasper are lovely too.

The Vintage Emerald Swarovski crystals are such lovely drops! I’m not sure wwhat do with the pearls as they don’t have any holes in them and I’m afraid wrapping would break them. I’m going to try something tonight and see how it works.

BSBP-all2

Fire in the Head

This year is starting off quite busy! Got lots of projects on the fire! 2 swaps, 2 book groups, kits to make, and degree work. *loving it* oh, and of course my Saturday dance class!

I am so excited about the swaps! The Secret Sabbat Swap is with my local group and the Bead Blog Party that I’ve mentioned on here a few times. I recieved my beads today and I am in awe of how gorgeous they all are!! I can’t wait to go home to play `;~)

The Book groups are still in the works. I’ve offered to facilitate a book club for my local group on The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I’ve also been thinking about joining their 365 Days of Wicca book group. While it is extremely basic, I always think it is a good idea to go back to the basics!

I’m working on some ideas for different kits. I currently have two in mind, a Bless My Home kit and a Harm Me Not kit. Both Kits will include incense and all the goodies necessary.

I’ve got at least 3 books to read for my degree, two projects , two classes/presentations, a ritual, and learn several techniques…

I think it is time to break out some organization time management skills! LOL

19 Steps and Blog Love

There are 19 steps leading to my new apartment. I immediately thought of the 19 Priestesses of Brighid who keep her flame lit. It makes me smile each time I traverse those steps and I feel as if I am walking through her flame being cleansed and recharged!

I read a lot of magick blogs that totally blow my mind on a regular basis. If I could, I’d read all day long! There is a reason I’m a librarian after all `;~) I love reading! I love books and words and how they play together. I need to stop before I have a nerdgasm…

Anyway, back to the blogs… I love reading how people think and what they do. I love reading how dedicated they are to their readership and their work. I am fascinated by all these things people do that I have never dreamed of doing or had any interest in doing.

I am an information nerd more than anything else, so I love learning about all these things whether I intend to use that knowledge or not. Now, I must clarify that I am not the type of information nerd that cares about the news or reality tv. I rarely pay attention to either… I look for what *I* consider quality information. Very little of what is reported in the news is the real story these days. Everything has a spin on it…

So, one of my favorite blogs is RuneSoup written by Gordon. Sometimes, I swear he is in my head poking around looking for good material because 90% of the time, it is just what I am working on or needing to hear!

I’ve also noticed that , at least with the blogs I read, there is a pattern of topics. This week, it is Jesus and Christian workings. I do not have any problems or issues with Christianity, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

I’ve let go of my issues a long time ago, so it was very odd to me that when I was flooded with Jesus posts, I got a little squicked about it. It really made me uncomfortable. Just as on facebook this week there has been a flood of christian posts. I’m really surprised that this all squicked me out.

It made me really think. Have I really just been playing lip service and been in denial about my issues? Have I so isolated myself that other ideas disturb and challenge my own beliefs? Just what is it about all of this that squicks me?

Then I wondered is this how others feel when I talk about my religion? I realized that I had isolated myself and didn’t allow room for other opinions into my world view. I am ashamed by this… I honestly and devoutly respect all beliefs, so it was quite shocking to see that I had allowed myself to isolate myself so tightly.

Isolation is never a good thing, and I had noticed this trend in myself lately. Now that I know I have done this, I have to do the work to open myself back up.

And I have been doing this work and it is going well. I have moved to a place that is less isolated, I will be teaching dance, I will not be hiding or sleeping away life in hermitage any longer!